It’s been a weird few days, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s just me getting older or if I’m started to be less accepting of the things that are not in my control. I know that while my head is a mess, it’ll be like trying to see through a muddy window, but I keep trying. The song I’m listening to at the moment is actually quite a good soundtrack to this convoluted post.
“I know you know enough to say
I know you know enough to play the game
You want to be the one in control
You want to be the one who’s alive
You want to be the one who gets old
It’s not a matter of luck
It’s just a matter of time”
Yeah… gotta say I love Thirty Seconds to Mars. Most of Leto’s lyrics touch home in some way, shape or form. He might be a weird person, but the man can act and the man can write, and he’s often not bad on the eyes.
I don’t really know where this funk came from, but trying to sort through it is making it hard to focus on what really matters. I can’t help but wonder if what’s causing it is really not in my control? I mean, seriously… is it my pride that is keeping me from seeking out a different day job, or is it my pride that keeps me at my current one? Am I incapable of writing my own About Me section on a dating site, one that will actually spark the interest of my match or should I give up on the damn dating sites? If I’m supposed to give up on dating sites, then where the hell do I find a nice woman who wants to spend her life with me? It surely isn’t going to be at a bar, so where in Vegas do I look? *sighs in frustration*
And while I’m at it… I know that a bit of my frustration comes from looking too keenly at the stupid sales reports on Amazon. I’ve “sold” eight books from all the sites I’ve published on, and I am quite happy that eight people in the world took the time to purchase World’s End, because it’s great, but apparently, someone took it back to Amazon and asked for a refund.
This… this makes me sad and god, but it doesn’t help the rest of the crap going on in my head.
To whomever is out there that reads my blog, thank you for listening.
M. LeAnne Phoenix 